Do You Want to Help Me Grieve?

I am a new person

One I do not like

It's not who I want be

I try with all my might.

Please be understanding

Please be patient

Maybe you could just sit a while.

That is what I need.

Lost in the world without direction

My daily life offers no guidance

And I can no longer do all the little things

That I used to do.

There are places I cannot go -

There are things I can no longer do -

Shopping for groceries breaks me heart -

As I see her favorite foods down every aisle.

McDonald's is off-limits

The smell of her favorite place diminishes me to tears.

It was always her favorite -

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Please say her name -

Say if often -

It is music to my ears

Even though it often reduces me to tears.

I need to know she is remembered

I need to know you care

I need to know she mattered

And that  there was purpose in her few years.

When you say her name and I tear up,

It is not you that causes me pain.

It is the loss of my love,

my daughter, my Tash.

What can you do, you ask?

There are so many things -

But, none, I have the courage to seek.

Just be there for me.

I can always use a shoulder on which to cry -

Sometimes I need an ear,

It's okay to call and just let to me hear you breathe -

This is the hardest part.

I cannot come to you -

I cannot tell you what I need -

It's too hard to overcome this weakness -

I just need you to be there, friends.

This road is long and I am still trying to find my way -

My heart is ripped to shreds.

All you have to do is acknowledge my pain -

I can't tell you how much that would mean.

Someday, I hope to share her pictures -

Without the threat of total collapse -

I want to share her stories -

Especially the ones that made us laugh.

Twenty-seven years were not enough -

Not for the child of my heart -

The love of my life -

My beautiful, wonderful Tash.

They say this pain will ease -

It will not leave,

But, we will learn to live together -

This terrible pain and me.

Please be patient with me -

I will never be the same -

Your help is always welcomed

But, this grief has changed me into a new me

So different from the one I always thought I would be.