I'M TRYING

 

I do the best I can -

I get out of bed every day -

Not as quickly any more -

And, never in a carefree way -

But, I'm trying...

 

I'm trying to do a lot of things -

understand the whys -

forget the what-ifs -

forgive the should haves.

 

I put a smile on my face -

I put one foot in front of another -

I make plans -

I stay busy -

Always trying...

 

There is so much to figure out -

Who am I without you?

What would you want me to do?
Am I making you proud?

No amount of trying answers those questions.

 

I move forward -

I've never been me without you -

I want to touch others the way you touched me -

I want to feel free to be happy -

Oh, how I am trying...

 

I think about you constantly -

wonder what you would want -

Do you want me there?

Do you want me here?

I try to answer these without your voice.

 

I get up - I try to smile -

I think of you - still trying to smile -

I go to bed alone - trying not to cry -

All this trying is exhausting...

 

Please know that I am trying..

And in return, I need you to try to, too...

Try to send me signs...

And, try to remember my face

and be there to welcome me home.