YOU ARE SO LOVED...

This is a lesson I need to learn to remember.  I sometimes feel so alone - so unloved - and, I wonder, does everyone feel this way at times? 

After Tash died, I questioned everything in life.  In the beginning, after your child dies, your house is full, cards come very day and the phone rings nonstop.  But, eventually, the quiet engulfs you.

Oh, if you're lucky enough, it takes a long time or you keep those faithful friends and family members, who never forget you.  But, when the ones you expect to be by your side forever leave, it's so painful that it feels like another death.  It brings up all kinds of questions and brings up all the doubts that have tickled your mind since the initial loss.  What did I do wrong?  What's wrong with me?  Why doesn't he/she care?  How could he/she leave me when I need her/him the most?

But, the truth is - IT IS NOT YOU - it was not me.  It reveals their character, not yours. 

So, look around you - look at the people who have stayed - the silent, but loyal ones - and love them and let their love be enough for you.

I told someone to focus on their fans and not on their haters this week.  Look around for those who love you and love them back - and LET THEM LOVE YOU!  WE ARE ALL WORTHY OF LOVE!  Yes, YOU, too!!! 

NAMASTE

No one tells you what grief is really like...

I am learning what grief is
We spend a lot of time together, grief and I
I have learned his secrets and his weaknesses
He has learned mine

If parents knew the truth of grief
they would never let their children go
But, here's a few things that people never tell you
They are the griever's secrets.

Grief isn't just in the mind - it affects the body, too
The aches and pains that have never been
they are there now, too.
Hair loss, loss or increase of appetite -
all "benefits of grief."

There are so many new things to learn -
Should I smile?
Should I cry?
What do people expect?

Well, expect to become an actor or actress
You'll love to give the people what they want
We don't want to infect others with this terrible disease
That's what we are to them - a virus to avoid

There are so many things I could tell you - but, today is a good day - so, for now, I will focus on that.

These are the secrets that grief doesn't want YOU to know:

You will have good days
You will laugh again - and, it won't hurt
You will be able to look at pictures and smile at the memories

It's not easy - these things take time
You will still cry -
at the sound of the song - the word "mom" -
the lost time with those you love.

But, you will laugh - you will smile
the pain will dull - but, it will never leave
It's the price of a love so deeply felt
And, we do love our children.

You will notice the beauty in a sunset
dance to the beat of a forgotten song
feel your heart open to the love of another
You will smile again

Love yourself as your loved one loved you
Let yourself grieve - but, let yourself live
We are living life for two now
We are owe it to ourselves and to our loved ones
to experience all the things they missed.

The most important things to remember -
You ARE stronger than you think...
You CAN do this...
You ARE loved....
NAMASTE

Goodnight, Tash - I love you - I am now and forever will be your mom - it is the most blessed thing I have ever been.