What thought makes you happy?

Grieving is hard work. And, sometimes to get out of the funk, we have to do something different - something outside of our comfort zone.

So, when you're feeling like this, trying to think of a happy though is hard work.  But, today, I will do it. My one thought that makes me smile about my future today is:

I'm learning to live again and I'm excited to see where I'm going to live and explore.

I miss Tash, but, for today, I'm going to try to focus on my future - not that I love or miss her any less - but, there must be some reason for me still being here.  

Can you change your thoughts?

CAN YOU CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS? 

I wonder about that a lot - especially on my sleepless nights. When I get one of those "thoughts" in my head, I try to tell myself not to think about it - BUT, WHAT HAPPENS????? I can think of nothing else!  

So, in my "free time" over the last few days, I have been reading articles on brain chemistry - particularly on how the brain can be "re-wired." Apparently, a change in thoughts and a practice of doing so can "re-wire" our brains.

No, it won't erase our children from our memories - it won't wipe out our past - it won't make every day bright and perfect.  But, it can help.  It's not easy - in other words, there is WORK to do - but, it can be done - certainly, not overnight... But, with hard work - consistent work - we can work our way back to a life closer to happy that where we are right now.  Our lives will never be what they were - we will never hold our children or hear their voices again.  

However, we can start simply...make one change...make it in to a habit...then build on it....

Maybe we can find a way to not be miserable every morning that we wake up and the nightmare continues.  Maybe, we can find a way to laugh and feel happy and it not just be a mask.  

What if every morning, we just said "thank you" when we wake up and we did it for thirty days?  What if we spoke or wrote down three things we were thankful for every night for thirty days?  Wouldn't it be a start?  And, a start is what we need as we live outside our comfort zones - one day at a time - one foot in front of the other...

I'll go first...Today, I am thankful for....

1 - My husband 

2 - The 27 years I had with Tasha 

3 - The people who love me just the way I am!

Now, what about YOU? 

NAMASTE....,

Great article about the effects of grief...

http://m.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/09/understanding-how-grief-weakens-the-body/380006/ 

ANNIVERSARIES ARE HARD...

Tasha died on January 7th - here it is the 18th of January and I am just now starting to feel normal again.  I finally gave into it on Friday - I napped - I slept all night - got up Saturday morning - ate breakfast and went back to bed until 5 in the afternoon - then back to bed to sleep over 9 hours.  Sometimes, it is just easier to give into it for a few days and come back fighting.

Today is the first day since the anniversary that I have felt good.  I woke up this morning renewed & refreshed, ready to take on the day.  Now, it is time to get back to the things that work - meditation, yoga, and taking care of me.

But, back to ANNIVERSARIES....

It is not the actual anniversary that takes the most work to survive.  It is the days leading up to the anniversary.  It's like you know an tornado is coming, but, you can't move.  You know it is on its way  - you know it will wreak havoc on your life - but, you just stand helpless and watch as it gets closer. 

 

Then, when it hits, you just fight to get through it - to hold your balance - to survive.  There is no time to think - to contemplate - you just hold on...that is the day of the anniversary - the birthday - or whatever holiday it is.  You just have to survive it!

 

Then there is the aftermath - the day after - the emotional hangover - the cleanup....It's like you cannot believe you made it through the day - the storm.  And, you are so overwhelmed - so tired - from the build-up that you can barely hold your head up. 

 

BUT YOU MADE IT!!!  You are a survivor!  I am a survivor!  Yes, we are surrounded by debris - the memories - the loss of our hopes and dreams!  But, we have lived through the worst thing that could happen - the death of our child.  And, we are still here.  So, do what you can - one day - one minute - one second at a time!  Keep your eye open for that speck of light at the other end of the tunnel - IT IS THERE!  I promise it is - I have total faith that it is there - I have to!  And, so every day, take one more step toward it. 

 

I am not sure I believe that "everything happens for a reason" - but, I do believe we all have a purpose.  And, though I am not sure of my purpose yet, I know there is one...and, I will keep working to find out what it is.  So, today, while maybe not a good day, it is another day - another opportunity - to strive toward finding that purpose - another opportunity say Tasha's name and to keep her memory alive.  Please don't give up....we have made it this far....

 

 

NAMASTE...