ANNIVERSARIES ARE HARD...

Tasha died on January 7th - here it is the 18th of January and I am just now starting to feel normal again.  I finally gave into it on Friday - I napped - I slept all night - got up Saturday morning - ate breakfast and went back to bed until 5 in the afternoon - then back to bed to sleep over 9 hours.  Sometimes, it is just easier to give into it for a few days and come back fighting.

Today is the first day since the anniversary that I have felt good.  I woke up this morning renewed & refreshed, ready to take on the day.  Now, it is time to get back to the things that work - meditation, yoga, and taking care of me.

But, back to ANNIVERSARIES....

It is not the actual anniversary that takes the most work to survive.  It is the days leading up to the anniversary.  It's like you know an tornado is coming, but, you can't move.  You know it is on its way  - you know it will wreak havoc on your life - but, you just stand helpless and watch as it gets closer. 

 

Then, when it hits, you just fight to get through it - to hold your balance - to survive.  There is no time to think - to contemplate - you just hold on...that is the day of the anniversary - the birthday - or whatever holiday it is.  You just have to survive it!

 

Then there is the aftermath - the day after - the emotional hangover - the cleanup....It's like you cannot believe you made it through the day - the storm.  And, you are so overwhelmed - so tired - from the build-up that you can barely hold your head up. 

 

BUT YOU MADE IT!!!  You are a survivor!  I am a survivor!  Yes, we are surrounded by debris - the memories - the loss of our hopes and dreams!  But, we have lived through the worst thing that could happen - the death of our child.  And, we are still here.  So, do what you can - one day - one minute - one second at a time!  Keep your eye open for that speck of light at the other end of the tunnel - IT IS THERE!  I promise it is - I have total faith that it is there - I have to!  And, so every day, take one more step toward it. 

 

I am not sure I believe that "everything happens for a reason" - but, I do believe we all have a purpose.  And, though I am not sure of my purpose yet, I know there is one...and, I will keep working to find out what it is.  So, today, while maybe not a good day, it is another day - another opportunity - to strive toward finding that purpose - another opportunity say Tasha's name and to keep her memory alive.  Please don't give up....we have made it this far....

 

 

NAMASTE...