Wednesday, January 9, 2019

A new year usually means new beginnings...but, as a bereaved parent, it also means...
...another birthday missed
...another year that doesn't include your child
...another holiday season without new memories or new pics of your child
...another anniversary of their death
The weeks, days, hours, and minutes leading up to these "landmark days" are often worse than the actual days. It's the opposite of anticipation - it's pure dread. In your mind, you know the worst has already happened. But, your heart hasn't accepted it.
Oh sure, it supposedly gets "easier" (or just different) to cope with over the years. Society assumes it should get easier - hurt less - you know, the "time to move on" people - we've all met them. But, it's not always easier - there's the realization that every holiday, anniversary, birthday, etc. takes us farther away from our children. Our memories get fuzzier - the contact is slipping away. Those around are saying their name less - we are fighting to keep their memory alive and as time goes on, it gets harder.
It's hard to say what 2019 will bring. I know on the 7th of this month, I will struggle. We no longer acknowledge this day with others - we work to honor Tash on this day. After all, she LIVED for over 10,000 days - I cannot let the one day she left undermine the joy she brought all the other days.
Is it easy? No. Does it get better? Some days, yes - some days, no. Do I ever stop missing her? No.

But, it is possible to find joy - joy without guilt. Tash was joyful - and, I will not dishonor her by not working for that joy. After all, I'm living for us both now. My best this new year, I celebrate her life...her accomplishments and the joy she always shared with others.

Monday, December 18, 2017

Remembering Jim

  • REMEMBERING JIM by Nancy Carroll McEndree      
    Jim was called White Chocolate. He lived among the homeless and transients on the streets in North Carolina.  These people were people with nothing but each other, so they took care of each other – they watched out for each other on the streets.  Life was hard and people living in these circumstances had to do whatever it took to live and exist.  However, they were loyal and made Jim felt like he belonged, a feeling he had seldom ever felt.  They gave him hope and through their faith in him, Jim was able to work toward happiness and find his place within the family of God.
     "Remembering Jim" holds from the beginning all the way to the very end.  It is an inspiring story, showing how hope can propel one’s life.  It takes the bands of an abusive childhood and reworks them into a better life as an adult.  I cannot think of anyone who would ever forget Jim after reading his story.

    Sunday, September 17, 2017

    THIS LIFE I LIVE by Rory Fleek

    THIS LIFE I LIVE by Rory Fleek
    This is the love story between Rory Fleek and Joey Martin...but before you get there, it is the story of the life and evolution of Fleek.  He lays his life bare, walking the reader through an unapologetically mistake-laden life.  Through it all, there is still a light for him and he continues working toward it - that is, until he finds his soulmate and begins to settle into the life he had always dreamed of.
    If you know the music and the story of Rory & Joey, you know there is no happy ending for this love story. But, nonetheless, it is a beautiful love story.
    Rory is not a book writer; he is a songwriter.  His timeline is a little jumpy.  But, he doesn't need the timeline nor a novelist's skill to tell his story.  Even knowing how this story ends, it was almost impossible to put down.

    Thursday, June 22, 2017

    DEAREST SAMANTHA: I LOVE YOU by Heather L. Smith
    I went into this book excited to read it. Sadly, what I found was a disjointed set of chapters that brought little hope or encouragement. 
    I love that Smith had the opportunity to publish a book - I am only sorry that perhaps she didn't have enough guidance and support through the editing process. 
    Smith lost a child - she lost a home - she definitely has a story to tell.  But, with the lack of consistency throughout the book, her story gets lost.
    I could not recommend this book to others, as it stands.