YOU ARE SO LOVED...

This is a lesson I need to learn to remember.  I sometimes feel so alone - so unloved - and, I wonder, does everyone feel this way at times? 

After Tash died, I questioned everything in life.  In the beginning, after your child dies, your house is full, cards come very day and the phone rings nonstop.  But, eventually, the quiet engulfs you.

Oh, if you're lucky enough, it takes a long time or you keep those faithful friends and family members, who never forget you.  But, when the ones you expect to be by your side forever leave, it's so painful that it feels like another death.  It brings up all kinds of questions and brings up all the doubts that have tickled your mind since the initial loss.  What did I do wrong?  What's wrong with me?  Why doesn't he/she care?  How could he/she leave me when I need her/him the most?

But, the truth is - IT IS NOT YOU - it was not me.  It reveals their character, not yours. 

So, look around you - look at the people who have stayed - the silent, but loyal ones - and love them and let their love be enough for you.

I told someone to focus on their fans and not on their haters this week.  Look around for those who love you and love them back - and LET THEM LOVE YOU!  WE ARE ALL WORTHY OF LOVE!  Yes, YOU, too!!! 

NAMASTE

No one tells you what grief is really like...

I am learning what grief is
We spend a lot of time together, grief and I
I have learned his secrets and his weaknesses
He has learned mine

If parents knew the truth of grief
they would never let their children go
But, here's a few things that people never tell you
They are the griever's secrets.

Grief isn't just in the mind - it affects the body, too
The aches and pains that have never been
they are there now, too.
Hair loss, loss or increase of appetite -
all "benefits of grief."

There are so many new things to learn -
Should I smile?
Should I cry?
What do people expect?

Well, expect to become an actor or actress
You'll love to give the people what they want
We don't want to infect others with this terrible disease
That's what we are to them - a virus to avoid

There are so many things I could tell you - but, today is a good day - so, for now, I will focus on that.

These are the secrets that grief doesn't want YOU to know:

You will have good days
You will laugh again - and, it won't hurt
You will be able to look at pictures and smile at the memories

It's not easy - these things take time
You will still cry -
at the sound of the song - the word "mom" -
the lost time with those you love.

But, you will laugh - you will smile
the pain will dull - but, it will never leave
It's the price of a love so deeply felt
And, we do love our children.

You will notice the beauty in a sunset
dance to the beat of a forgotten song
feel your heart open to the love of another
You will smile again

Love yourself as your loved one loved you
Let yourself grieve - but, let yourself live
We are living life for two now
We are owe it to ourselves and to our loved ones
to experience all the things they missed.

The most important things to remember -
You ARE stronger than you think...
You CAN do this...
You ARE loved....
NAMASTE

Goodnight, Tash - I love you - I am now and forever will be your mom - it is the most blessed thing I have ever been. 



 

HEAVEN IS FOR REAL by Todd Burpo

 

IS HEAVEN FOR REAL?  Colton’s story, written by his father, Todd, answers many questions asked by people throughout the years.  During a health crisis, Colton slowly unravels a story for his parents of what happened while everyone assumed he was fighting for his life.  While unconscious, he has an out-of-body experience that defies logic – but, aligns to the spiritual realm.  He sees Jesus – God – family members he had never met – leaving everyone wondering: can this be true?

 

I had read the book before, but, I came to it with new eyes this time.  In January of 2012, my only daughter passed away.  Colton’s story gives me hope – hope that all I have believed in is real – hope that I will see my daughter again.  As Colton’s story slowly unfolds, his parents are amazed – just as readers will be amazed by this young man’s story. 

 

This update includes photos from the movie set, updates from father, Todd, and son, Colton, on recent events including the making-of-the-movie experience, and “From the Set” Q&A’s with the movie’s filmmakers and actors.  Even if you have read the book, a reread is a MUST before seeing the movie!  Never has there been such an inspiring story that affirms all we believe in!

 

 

 

HAPPIEST LIFE: Seven Gifts, Seven Givers & The Secret to Genuine Happiness BY Hugh Hewitt

 

 

Hugh Hewitt's presentation of the seven gifts and givers takes one's eyes off the materialism that is so prevalent in today's society.  The REAL gifts are not shoes and electronics, they are encouragement, energy, enthusiasm, empathy, good humor, graciousness, and gratitude.  These are gifts that cost nothing, but, are priceless to the receiver. 

 

The givers - the spouse, the parent, family members, friends, the coworker, teachers, and the church - these are the people to turn to when in need of the above gifts.  These people provide the foundation of our happiness.  It is not without effort that we build a life of happiness - but, the destination is definitely worth the journey.

 

The first two-thirds of this book were spell-binding and chock full of information that so many need these days.  The last third of the book seems more anecdotal than informational.  However, the information is still great, providing living examples of a life well-lived, giving God, the most generous giver, the credit. 

 

Throughout the book, Hewitt gently guides the reader in the direction of finding and being his/her best self.  It is through letting go of self and embracing the needs of others that one's true purpose is found.  With the discovery of purpose and the ability to sympathize and empathize - two totally different things - happiness often floats in. 

 

Hewitt provides great direction and motivation to his readers to really dig deep and follow-through to finding the path to living their "happiest life."

Great advice...

"Because I'm so honest, it's hard for me to pretend everything's fine when it's not. As a kid, I wish I'd been allowed to think it was okay to admit things were not fine. I think it's unfair to grow up thinking that when your gut is saying things don't seem like they're fine, you think, 'Well, I'm wrong and I can't trust my feelings because the only feelings I'm allowed to have are really happy feelings.'  That's just not okay."

---Ellen DeGeneres

I could have written those words and applied them to my life. I'm learning now to embrace my gut feelings and trust my thoughts. It's never too late...still learning...

Today was a successful day in keeping guilt at bay...

If you're in the midst of grief, I urge you to find one thing TODAY that you can do for someone else.  It doesn't have to be big - you don't have to talk to them.  Smile at someone.  Find another grieving parent and send them a note or a card.  Drop some flowers off at the local assisted living facility.  OR DO IT BIG!!!  Just for one moment, step out of yourself...don't be scared...your grief will still be there when you get back.  You can still wrap yourself in it.

But, just doing this one small thing may give you a glimmer of light at the end of the long tunnel of grief.  It's been just a little over twenty-five months for me - I still have a long way to go.  But, oh those glimmers!!! I have such high hope for those glimmers.

My life will never be the same - how could it, without my only child - the love of my life - by my side?  I have never been an adult without her until January 7, 2012.  I have no idea who I am without her.  But, I am trying to figure it out - I am learning who I am.  Being Tasha's mom was my greatest accomplishment - nothing will ever detract from that.  But, now without her, I must FIGHT to find my way to my true self.  Who am I without Tash?

I wish I could answer that question for you now.  But, I am not there yet.  Stick with me - I will stick with you - we can do this together!  I know Tasha fought to live and for that reason alone, I have to fight to do the same thing.

Namaste...

www.facebook.com/TashasGiftInc

THE WALL AROUND YOUR HEART by Mary DeMuth

I had high hopes when I received this book. My "wall" had been the topic of my thoughts and conversations lately. While not answering all my questions, it certainly addressed many of my issues. DeMuth writes in a way that is thought-provoking, as well as encouraging. 

Drawing from her own trauma-filled past, she acknowledges the building blocks of her wall, allowing her to connect with her readers on a deep and personal level. Including her own faults and failures makes this more than a preachy, how-to-be-perfect-like-me self-help book.  It humanizes her.  She makes it okay to move backwards in the process of moving forward.  Sharing her strategy of prayer for deconstructing the wall is helpful, but, going as far as to share some of her personal prayers is even better.  It's as if she is taking her readers by the hand and working with them to help them deconstruct their own walls.

Through life's challenges and often painful times, it is easy to build the wall, as so many do.  Putting up the wall of safety and isolation is the easy part. Re-emerging as the wall is taken down proves more difficult.  Have a real-life example, as well as the biblical examples included by DeMuth, will provide guidance for those attempting to take down the wall around their hearts and re-engage with life and society to discover a world of love and hope.